Why Kids Play and Why You Need to Ask
It’s another weekend, another gym, another set of bleachers. You’ve driven miles, paid feeds, packed gear, and arranged your schedule around a sport your kid may or may not feel like playing today. They’re warming up. You’re watching. Hopeful, invested, maybe a little tense.
And somewhere between the first serve and the last point, a quiet question surfaces: Whose game is this, really?
The Aspen Institute’s Project Play offers parents two questions that every youth sports family should sit with:
Have I asked my child why they play sports?
Have I asked myself why I want my child to play sports?
Simple? Sure. But the answers often tell a bigger story.
According to Aspen’s national dats, teens say they play to have fun (81%), get exercise (79%), learn and improve skills (66%), be with friends (66%), and compete (64%). Lower on the list: winning games (53%) and college scholarships (39%).
That gap between their reasons and ours is where things go awry.
Most parents mean well. But we live in a culture that sells the idea that youth sports are a pipeline. To success, to scholarships, to the professional ranks. When we buy in too deeply, we risk turning our child’s sport into our project. We coach from the sidelines, overanalyze stats, chase elite teams, and mistake busyness for commitment. All the while, our kids (who are quietly fighting for ownership of their own lives) start to pull away.
They don’t stop playing because they hate the sport.
They stop playing because it stopped being theirs.
Here’s the Challenge
Ask your kid why they play. Not to check a box. To really listen.
You might get a shrug, an eye roll, or something that surprises you entirely. “I just like my team.” “It helps with stress.” “It’s fun when no one’s yelling.”
Whatever they say, take it as truth.
Then, ask yourself the harder question: Why do I want them to play?
If your answer is about scholarships, structure, or staying busy, that’s honest. But if it doesn’t match their “why,” it’s time to recalibrate. Our job isn’t to share their motivation. It’s to protect it. When parents honor their child’s ownership of sport, something powerful happens. The pressure eases. They joy returns. Growth takes root.
And when we don’t, when we let our fears, pride, or nostalgia steer instead, the love of the game slowly drains away. One silent car ride at a time.
This season, give the game back to your child. Let them fall in love with it on their own terms.
That’s what keeps them playing, and growing, long after the final whistle.