The Pressure of Being a Sports Parent

“Handle the pressure!”

In the documentary The Last Dance, NBA Champion coach Phil Jackson shouted this to his players during a timeout with just seconds left in a playoff game. These were professionals. The game was literally on the line.

With those words, Coach Jackson reminded them they had prepared for this moment and that they were capable of rising to it.

Our kids may not be playing in the NBA, but the lesson still applies. As young athletes, they’re not just learning the rules and techniques of their sport, they’re learning the mental game, too. One season, one practice at a time, they’re figuring out how their minds and bodies respond to mistakes and pressure.

Guess what, parents? We’re learning too.

It’s uncomfortable to watch our kids try something new, to see them struggle or fall short. It’s uncomfortable because learning and growth require tension, and that often means failure.

Failure is necessary in sport. No athlete is undefeated forever. No one performs perfectly without messing up, practicing, and trying again. Expecting our kids to somehow bypass that process? That’s unrealistic—and unfair.

But still, it’s hard to watch. And yet, we must handle it.

The pressure of being a sports parent comes from the big emotions we feel when our kids step onto the field, the court, or the mat. We often think those feelings are caused by our child’s success or struggle. But really, they come from within us.

You likely have a memory from your own youth tied to sports or physical activity. Maybe you were the star. Maybe you were picked last. Maybe you didn’t get the chance you wanted. Maybe you got injured before you were ready to be done. Whatever your story, those memories don’t vanish. They show up when you watch your child compete.

And sometimes, they speak louder than we’d like.

When we yell or criticize our child after a mistake or tough game, we add pressure. If our kids start thinking about our reactions instead of focusing on their own development, that’s a distraction—and a burden.

So what can we do as parents to support our athletes without getting in their way?

Take Responsibility

Your feelings are yours. They may be stirred up by your child’s experience, but your child did not cause them. Your job is to manage those emotions, not hand them over to your young athlete. The best first step? Simply acknowledge what you’re feeling. If we blame the coach, the ref, or, worst of all, the child, we create interference. Owning our reactions helps clear the path for our child’s growth.

Talk With an Adult

A trusted friend or therapist can help you process what you’re feeling. Our kids are not our emotional support system. They have enough on their plates already. Taking your big emotions to another adult helps you get what you need without placing that weight on your child.

Write It Out

A journal can be a powerful tool. Get quiet and ask yourself:

• Why did I react so strongly?

• Did this remind me of something from my past?

• What’s stopping me from letting my child own this experience?

• How can I care for myself so I can better support them?

This simple reflection can offer insight and relief.

Get Curious

Sometimes all it takes is a question:

“How did it go today?”
“What did it feel like out there?”
“What helped you know what to do next?”

These open-ended questions invite your child to share their own perspective and bring you closer to it. More often than not, they’re not nearly as bothered as you are. Let their experience lead.

Competition brings emotion. It’s meant to. Our job as sports parents is to handle our emotions first, so we can be there for our athletes as they handle theirs.

While our kids are out there learning how to manage pressure, we’ve got some learning to do, too.

Let’s rise to it! Together.